Of inches, feet, yards and miles

I got this from one of my old writings...

Anybody who's read my blog knows I'm fascinated by that measure of male inadequacy called the inch. Especially since I seem to see it all the time. 2.54cm right? Right. And wrong.

As a symbol of male inadequacy it is somewhere between 0.1cm to 6cm depending on whether its said by a male, a satisfied female, a disappointed man (for those who are that way) or a frustrated female. A 6" pride of manhood would be anywhere from 3cm to 36cm depending on whom you are listening to, while a twelve inch battering ram would be anywhere from 1cm to 72. Apparently the bigger the ram the smaller it gets.

Interestingly enough I also discovered there are other measures based upon the inch like Foot, Yards and Mile. 12" = 1'. 3 feet = 1 Yard. 1760 Yards = 1 Mile. Somewhere within there are also hands, chains, palms, furlongs, fathoms, and rods which are poles which are also strangely enough perches. Sounds like a guy with a serious fetish problem.

It doesn't even stop there. Apparently people can inch past something. If you creep you are inching. Like inch out of the wardrobe past the sleeping husband of his l'amour. Apparently chameleons inch too. So its not only wife f***ing men.

What I didn't see is why not go right ahead and use the foots, yards and miles in the same way - like...

' They heard a knock on the door. "Shit", she exclaims, "that must be my husband. Yard into the wardrobe and do not make a sound. You can inch out later when he is asleep and mile to your place" '

You could have rockets mileing into the stratosphere, cars yarding along on the freeway, while horse drawn carts foot leisurely by the Grandfather who is inching his way home

Interesting language English, isn't it?