Curiosity

Let me tell you a story. A story about a pussycat. And a tomcat. No. Not about cats, but about curiosity. The curiosity of a cat. This you’d say, you’ve heard about. It’s about curiosity. And about a cat. But it is also about us humans too.

There was this well fed cat, her name was Tracy. She owned a human. One human. This human would give her food and milk, and sometimes would make funny noises to tell her what it wants. Sometimes, if the human was good, Tracy would allow to be scratched on her back. But only sometimes. If the human got too much, she could always scratch back with her lovely long claws. You cannot let humans get too close you know, they just might get spoilt.

Next door used to live a tomcat, lets just call him Tom. Tracy always thought Tom had a better deal. He owned several humans of various sizes and shapes. They used to play with him all the time and make funny noises at him. Tom would let all these humans lay their paws on him all the time. He would actually sit on some of them. And he had all those lovely chairs. Imagine that! Tom was a spoilt cat, Tracy thought.

In between these two houses was a rather curious hole. Tracy used to see small creatures hesitate and then jump into that hole. Usually after that she would hear sounds as if somebody was having a very delicious meal. None of those creatures ever came out of that hole. Tracy thought there must be something very nice in that hole to keep them all in. And it never ever got full. Tracy would stare at the hole hoping some creature would come out, after getting fed up, and tell her what was in the hole. But none ever did.

One day Tracy decided to ask Tom what was in the hole. Tom shrugged his shoulders and said that he did not know, what’s more he didn’t care. He walked away with his tail straight in the air. How rude! But Tracy noticed, when Tom thought she wasn’t looking, he too stared at the hole in wonder. Tracy was determined to find out, no matter what Tom thought, and then she would show him. Tracy decided she must go into the hole and find out what was so nice about it. She was determined to come back and tell Tom what she had seen. She would not stay inside it like all the other creatures that didn’t know when they’d had enough. Just you wait.

She began circling the hole. Getting closer, and closer, and closer, and closer. Tom watched her half with apprehension and curiosity. But Tom was afraid, Tracy thought, he couldn’t enter the hole for himself. She would show him.

“Don’t enter that hole,” Tom called out, “it’s dangerous”

“How do you know? You’ve never gone inside” Tracy rejoined. That Tom really is a coward, Tracy thought to herself.

With that Tracy made a hop, skipped and jumped into the hole.

Now we don’t know what happened inside that hole to Tracy. She never came out to tell us. But Tom heard like somebody was having a really delicious meal. He could have sworn he heard lips smacking. Now Tom would like to find out what Tracy found in there. He thinks he might have to go in and ask her. It’s not that he’s greedy, but curiosity…

Og beginning and endings

In slightly under two weeks it will be my birthday (and yes I expect quite a lot of presents you dolts!) In my calender this is usually the time I take stock of where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. This also the time that I decide the direction of many things in my life. Naturally the usual beer and meat thing does play a role at this time (alcohol is an acceptable present)

This time though my birthday is going to be different. Not the presents or the beer part, that I still expect, however for the first time in quite a number of years I am going to be adrift. I have no idea what direction my personal life is going to take. It just might be the first birthday in a while that I'm going to be lonely, though not alone. And most of it is in my making.

Those of you who have been following (and a few who haven't) know that I'm in love so you'd wonder what happened to this love object. The bright few who have manged to read between the lines would have noticed that at no time have I said I am with the object of my love. Or that I intend to be now or in the future, or even that I do not intend to. But I still need companionship, love, sex and fun. I still want to be wanted, lusted after, maybe loved, but certainly enjoyed. The choice still is mine to make, and the consequences are also still mine.

So this time instead of concentrating on mundane details like how my finances are going to be (there are doing fine, thank you), or what career direction I'm moving to, or even whether I'm finally going to buy that house, I will ponder on my personal goals and aims. I will decide whether I like where I'm going, and where the rain might have started beating me. I'm going to look deep and see what I need to change, what I need to keep, and what I've been carrying around as excess baggage in my emotions. Re-evaluate my psyche so to say.

On thing I certainly need to do is keep the few friends that I do have. I value each and everyone of my friends. I may be poor at communicating, poor at making that call. sometimes I may be stuck in the office when I should be seeing them, and sometimes I just may be feeling like being alone. But I do value each and every one, and I certainly intend to avoid losing even one. You know yourselves, here on facebook, and the ones elsewhere them too I intend to keep.

And I also need to get some...