Og beginning and endings

In slightly under two weeks it will be my birthday (and yes I expect quite a lot of presents you dolts!) In my calender this is usually the time I take stock of where I'm going, where I've been, and where I want to go. This also the time that I decide the direction of many things in my life. Naturally the usual beer and meat thing does play a role at this time (alcohol is an acceptable present)

This time though my birthday is going to be different. Not the presents or the beer part, that I still expect, however for the first time in quite a number of years I am going to be adrift. I have no idea what direction my personal life is going to take. It just might be the first birthday in a while that I'm going to be lonely, though not alone. And most of it is in my making.

Those of you who have been following (and a few who haven't) know that I'm in love so you'd wonder what happened to this love object. The bright few who have manged to read between the lines would have noticed that at no time have I said I am with the object of my love. Or that I intend to be now or in the future, or even that I do not intend to. But I still need companionship, love, sex and fun. I still want to be wanted, lusted after, maybe loved, but certainly enjoyed. The choice still is mine to make, and the consequences are also still mine.

So this time instead of concentrating on mundane details like how my finances are going to be (there are doing fine, thank you), or what career direction I'm moving to, or even whether I'm finally going to buy that house, I will ponder on my personal goals and aims. I will decide whether I like where I'm going, and where the rain might have started beating me. I'm going to look deep and see what I need to change, what I need to keep, and what I've been carrying around as excess baggage in my emotions. Re-evaluate my psyche so to say.

On thing I certainly need to do is keep the few friends that I do have. I value each and everyone of my friends. I may be poor at communicating, poor at making that call. sometimes I may be stuck in the office when I should be seeing them, and sometimes I just may be feeling like being alone. But I do value each and every one, and I certainly intend to avoid losing even one. You know yourselves, here on facebook, and the ones elsewhere them too I intend to keep.

And I also need to get some...