Holy Lot

There was this great man in ancient times. Lot his name was. Lot was the nephew of Abram, he who later took on the name Abraham. Abram was one rather crafty man. At one time, when Abram was faced with a famine, he saw a way he could get rich in Egypt. He went down to Egypt and since his wife was rather beautiful, he decided to pimp her to the Pharaoh and the Pharaoh's officials. The Pharaoh saw this rather beautiful available woman and decided to appropriate her for himself. In a fit of generosity the Pharaoh gave Abram sheep, cattle, donkeys, male and female servants and even camels. Abram even got silver and gold. Sarai, Abrams wife, had certainly pleased the Pharaoh rather much.

Now the Pharaoh did not know that Sarai was Abrams wife, and Abram had also neglected to tell the Pharaoh that Sarai had a venereal disease. After a period of Sarai gallivanting about the palace she had spread this disease about the household. Pharaoh's doctors soon identified the source and advised him to get rid of her. Being a rather superstitious fellow, the Pharaoh sent Sarai back to Abram, and made sure that everything Abram had touched was sent away with them so that no vestiges of that disease may remain in his household. Abram thus left with quite a lot of stuff that he did not come with. What is not so clear from the story is whether Sarai got cured or Abram was immune to her disease.

Now Abram left Egypt and when along with his nephew Lot. Since Abram had quite a lot of stuff and Lot, too, had his own animals and tents, their servants began quarrelling over water and grazing rights. So Abram suggested that they part ways. Abram went to Canaan while Lot, who had acquired a taste for city life, camped near Sodom.

About that time war broke out and Lot and his goods were carried off as war booty when Sodom and Gomorra were defeated. Abram could not see how all that stuff could be taken so he got 318 men together and waited until night to attack. He managed to completely rout the enemy gaining back Lot, Lot's goods as well as women and a few other people. The kings were happy and Abram to keep Melchizedek (one of those kings) happy gave him a whole tenth of his stuff. However he refuses to give the king of Sodom anything.

Lot went back to Sodom as he still loved city life. He loved sitting by the gateway watching the city life flow by him. One of those days he sees two strangers approach. Knowing that the city can be rather dangerous especially for rural fellow he insisted that they come and spend the night in his house. He gave them unleavened bread and prepared for them a place to sleep. Rumours soon run around the city that there were two strangers in Lot's house and the men of the city decided it would be a nice time to have an orgy. They came and surrounded Lot's house and demanded that these new men come over for a bit of hanky panky with the city crowd.

Lot thinks "Oh! Abomination".

Lot looks around his household and sees that he only has his wife and two daughters therein and no men he can offer to the mob. He thinks "These my daughter oh. They are about to be married anyway. Perhaps if I give them to the mob they'll gain enough experience to please their future husbands. After all they are virgins and not very useful to anyone"

So Lot goes out to the crowd and offers them his daughters. The crowd, however, does not want the women. They left theirs in the houses to have fresh meat and they've been seeing these ones around ever. The crowd wants fresh ass. They even promise Lot that if they get his ass, his lot will be a lot worse. The strangers seeing this happen pull Lot back inside and throw some sort of tear gas that manages to disperse the crowd.

So now these strangers tell Lot that their boss has sent them to organize a tactical strike against that city. They urge him to get his people and run. Lot immediately goes to his future sons in law who had already paid dowry for his daughters and tries to get them to flee with him. The boys thought Lot was some sort of joker and laughed him off. Early in the morning the strangers tell him to get out. Lot still hesitates so they take his hand and that of his wife and daughters and lead him to the gate. They tell Lot to flee to the mountains and not to look back.

Lot being a city man begs to be let to flee to a small town nearby as he cannot fathom how he'll survive in the mountains. The two Angels (yes that's what they were) tell him they will spare this small city, Zoar (meaning small), from the strike but he'd better hurry. By the time Lot got to Zoar, the sun had risen and the tactical strike had started. Lot's wife finds it hard to believe all that property is lost and turns to look back. The Angels' boss, however, does not want anybody to report on the weapons used so he turns one of the weapons towards her and turns her into a block of sodium chloride.

After seeing all this destruction Lot got mighty afraid to live in towns so he got his daughters and settled in a cave upon the mountains. Now Lot had lost all his men and female servants as well as most of his goods when he fled from Sodom, however his daughters did not see the point of them not getting some even though they were alone in the mountain cave. The daughters hatched a plot and decided that they'll be getting their father drunk then they will take turns. As these things happen they eventually got pregnant and they both had sons. Through all this hanky panky Lot apparently did not know who he'd been spending exhaustive nights with.

And that is the authenticated story of a holy and righteous man called Lot.